Movies That Suck is a feature where I watch a bad movie and share my reactions to it in real time. Sort of like live tweeting without the tweeting. I watch it so you don't have to! This will be spoilery I guess by definition, but since you probably won't want to watch these anyway it probably won't matter? But heads up anyways. So get comfortable, grab a favorite beverage, and let me tell you about a movie that sucks.
So we start off with a relaxing trip to the country- an island- for some relaxation. Nice shot of the very misty island. Morgan a football player who's on the island for some rest. Him and some buddies are chasing a deer on horseback- why?- along with some dogs. Do they think they're English gentlemen pretending to fox hunt? Anyway after they corner the deer Morgan's ready to let it go, but his friend decides to keep chasing. Bad idea.
The dogs are like ?????
So he gets bucked and guess what? He gets buzzed by giant wasps. That one's bigger than shit. See what happens when you fuck with the deer? Morgan goes for help and finds an unhelpful lady named Mrs. Skinner. What's in her barn though? A huge chicken, that's what! Mrs. Skinner chooses not to assist. He manages to kill it with a pitchfork, thankfully. He proceeds to ask the missus where the $%%^ she got the chickens.
Ten minutes in and two encounters- this show is moving.
So... the food she's been giving the chickens comes out of the ground and she thinks it's from the Lord. There's a wasp eating some right now. She reminds me of Betty White's character from Lake Placid.
Do they... have his body in the back of their Jeep? Aye, they do. No cell- I guess they just take him back across in the ferry and report him deceased. Seems like the local constabulary would take a dim view of that.
It looks like Mrs. Skinner has a wee bit of rat trouble.
Ewww. Scratch rats, she's got some huge ass grubs biting her.
There's a storm... naturally lol.
Mr. Skinner goes off the road... has a flat.
Goodbye dude.
The rats are as big as the frickin car.
Jack and his assistant Lorna are driving in the island and he drives right past Skinner's car (with the door ripped off) and doesn't think to stop. They pass a pregnant couple too stranded off the road and keep driving.
He's not nice.
They show up at the Skinner residence to find the chickens slaughtered. Apparently Jack wants the crazyass food. Mrs. Skinner wants her husband back. So the food gurgles up out of the ground like some goop.
Morgan and his friend Brian are back on island. They encounter the stranded couple and seem skeptical of their story of giant rats.
The wasps meanwhile are at Skinner's farm.
Dang, he's a good shot, blowing those things out of the air.
Pregnant couple are arguing about whether it matters if they're married or not. Cultural issue- this was mid 70's.
So they found the nest.
Why didn't they find Skinner's wreck?
So they explode the nest but poor Lorna fell down the rats' hole. That of course goes ass up.
Now the rats are everywhere. Pregger couple make it to the farmhouse and their camper is toast.
Why aren't they getting the pregnant woman to help?
Oh, it's on now. Attack of the rats! This is interesting too because Brian didn't want to go and now Brian is... rat food.