Thursday, August 30, 2018

Movies That Suck: Sharknado

       Image result for sharknado

Movies That Suck is a feature where I watch a bad movie and share my reactions to it in real time. Sort of like live tweeting without the tweeting. I watch it so you don't have to! This will be spoilery I guess by definition, but since you probably won't want to watch these anyway it probably won't matter? But heads up anyways.  

This week is Sharknado! Yes!! I've been wanting to watch this and my only question is- why did I wait so long? This should have been the first Movie That Sucked! Anyway we're gonna correct that little misstep right now. And I've had several people tell me they LOVE this movie, so don't be offended if I rip it a new one. It's all in good fun! Oh and special thanks to Suzanne at The Bookish Libra for suggesting this one! Blame her. :)   

I don't know what's going on here in the beginning- there's some dudes on a fishing trawler catching sharks, de- finning them I guess, and a storm is coming. And then it's there- that was fast. And there's a shark onboard! And then there's a cyclone and- yeah. Okay. Surfer dude Fin meanwhile is riding some waves and enjoying the, um, scenery on the beach - we get some gratuitous ass shots- and the storm is coming their way. And there's a crapload of sharks heading for shore. Fin's out flirting with some chick named Deanna, who gets promptly eaten, and while she's flailing about in the water like a chew toy no one on the beach seems to notice. Oh and Fin is yelling at people to clear the beach- as he's still in the water. What is he, immune? 



So this is really bad. Like whoever the cinematographer is? Oi. The storm is closing in and Fin calls his wife April- apparently they're separated?- to make sure she's okay. Ah Tara Reid- there she is. Knew she was in this somewhere. I kinda like Nova the barmaid- but she probably won't survive. You know what else is wrong with this? The editing. Like Fin looks out the window and it's storming- huge waves- then there's a shot of the beach and it's sunny and fairly calm- and then a shark comes through the window. Luckily Nova is there with a pool stick to kill it.  

Oh by the way they're in Fin's bar- didn't mention that. He's got a place there on the beach and Nova works for him. Who else matters? Um we have Baz, who's a friend of Fin, and George, a drunk. I guess that's the cast, for the most part. Okay- onward. Oh my gosh this is horrible. Fin's bar- and the whole Santa Monica boardwalk apparently- are trashed now, and sharks are coming in. George saves Nova by bashing one with a bar stool. Fuck- the Ferris wheel is loose!! This is intense. Okay I'm kidding- it's just dumb. But... the Ferris wheel. 



Fin wants to go check on April and his daughter Claudia. Nova apparently has no home now (she lived on the beach?) so she wants to come. That and she has a thing for Fin, apparently. They're en route amidst rain and flooding and oh look- there are sharks in the streets. Swimming about. 

"That's a tiger shark."
"How do you know that?"
"Shark week."

So L.A. is seriously flooding now, and they're about to get on the 405 but oh no! Sharks everywhere! They stop to help people, who are apparently too dumb to run on their own, and George- sadly- becomes deceased. I kinda liked him. Somehow they make it to Beverly Hills, where April lives, but as they get there a shark is seen being ejected from a storm drain. There is no escape, peeps. April and Claudia are like get out of here, Fin, and April's boyfriend Collin is a major douche. Well, he was... he is now deceased as well. Sharks are in the house! Nova is a crack shot with the pump action! Seriously, she's the MVP. Oh and when the shark surfaces or goes back under the water, it makes no ripple in the water. I mean, this is so bad. 



The worst line so far? As they're catching their breath and the house is filled with bloody water, Baz remarks 

"Looks like it's that time of the month."

Okay I'm confused. They hear on the radio that there's a tornado warning, but then one of them says the storm is dying down. Whatever. Turns out Fin and April have a son, too, who's not far away so they go to rescue him next. En route though they have to save some kids in a school bus from sharks. Fin rappels down from an overhead bridge and they raise the entire bunch of kids up one by one. Yeah right- that's happening. Fortunately the rain and tornadic conditions hold off helpfully while this is underway. I love too how from shot to shot the rescued kids are on the bridge looking down, and then they're not- who edited this movie? 

And do we have a love triangle developing? Nova hugs Fin when he makes it back up, and April looks a wee bit jelly! You don't have time for that, people. The waterspouts are coming! I love how cars on the bridge too are just going about their business, don't seem in much of a hurry. Didn't they get the memo? Traffic seems normal. Excerpt for the shark that lands on their roof and bites through it. Nova thankfully saves the day again! She is badass with a shotgun. Okay so they get to Matt, and after weathering a tornado they load up with weapons from a surplus store- chainsaws, a weed wacker, you know, bombs. Well they jury-rig the bombs, okay, but Matt has this wonderful idea to drop bombs into the sharknadoes by helicopter. How would this work? 

So... Matt and Nova (are they a thing?) go up in the chopper, while Baz is preparing to drive the jeep into the storm with some of the bombs onboard, in case Matt's plan doesn't work. The sharknado, at least, seems to be remaining stationary, which is helpful. Why? Who knows? Lots of sharks though. Okay wait. There are three sharknadoes I guess- Matt and Nova take two of them out with the bombs (!!) but the only problem with that is- falling sharks. Luckily Fin has his chainsaw. Oh, and Baz is toast, sadly. 

Nooooo- not Nova! She falls out of the freakin helicopter and right into a shark's mouth. Ack! What TF are they doing??? They can't kill Nova! Well so that's a bust, Matt crashes and it's up to Fin to save the day. Which he does, driving his explosive jeep into the storm, bailing at the last minute. You know, with all the sharks falling from the sky every time one of these tornadoes goes down, maybe I'd just let 'em run their course? I don't know, maybe? 



But wait- there's more. A falling shark is about to get Claudia, so heroic Fin and his chainsaw take care of it- though he gets swallowed in the process. They're not going to kill Fin, though, I guess, and he cuts his way out with the chainsaw. Yeah, I didn't need to see that. And guess who was in the shark's stomach with him? Yup... Nova. She lives. Matt is happy. I guess they're a thing. You know, there's nothing like a shark apocalypse to straighten out relationships, I guess, since Fin and April seem to be back together too. Oh and Matt had to give Nova mouth-to-mouth to revive her- it took like one breath, but whatevs- and she's totally covered in shark blood, so that was interesting. 

Okay, deep breath. I have now seen Sharknado. What surprises me the most is not that it's stupid- I mean, that's the fun of it- but just how badly made it was. Like I imagine a high school film crew could almost do better? I mean you see sharks swimming in the street, then they show a deep water shot of a shark in the ocean- clearly at a greater depth than the previous scene- I mean, it's just bad. Tara Reid doesn't have much to do, but I think she got top billing, and frankly the woman who played Nova did a lot more (and seems to be a better actress as well). But this is not a movie to be analyzed, this is something to enjoy with good beer and your favorite snacks. And the drinking game possibilities are endless. 

So have you seen Sharknado? If not, what are you waiting for? Should I watch more? Please say no.

44 comments:

  1. I love the sheer stupidity of these films and the fact they aren't to be taken seriously! I've got the sixth one to watch for my shark filmathon next month! Nova is my favourite character and I also have fun through the series celebrity spotting especially the UK based one where British celebrities are eaten! My favourite is the third one.

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    1. You have survived six of these? lol but that's good to know! British celebrities sounds like a hoot! And did you say shark filmathon? I'm THERE. Oh and Nova is the best!

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  2. How have I not heard of this one before? The surfer dude might appeal to me, but I think that I would find this one to suck as well. Thank you for sparing me the disappointment! lol

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    1. You haven't heard of Sharknado? Well, I can't really recommend it, but... :) oh and the surfer dude was kinda older, which threw mew too. I was expecting a hot young guy lol...

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  3. I have not watched Sharnknado but I do think you should watch more. I think there are at least 4 more! lol

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  4. Hmmm...because you are so sweet...don’t watch any more...you will end up not liking yourself. But I did like the one where the shark ate Al The Weatherman from the Today Show!

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    1. Ha!!! Al gotten eaten? That's got possibilities. Oh and I saw where a shark was in orbit too- hmmm.

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  5. I watched Sharknado! It's so very cheesy but I gues sthat was the point. I would actually watch the newer one too :-)

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  6. I recently watched a review for this movie and I can honestly say I have no desire to watch it. XD

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    1. I never did either, and while it was fun for this feature I'm not sure I'm a fan??!??

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  7. My favorite thing is in the beginning when everyone is running hysterically on the beach because sharks are washing up on the sand. And they're....on sand...so maybe...walk away lol Then all of a sudden people are incapable of walking - just falling all over the place and getting eaten by what is essentially a a land shark lol

    They get even worse if that's at all possible.
    Karen @ For What It's Worth

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    1. Right! I seriously thought the sharks were gonna burrow the sand...

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  8. Ugh, this movie. It is so bad but every time it's on I must watch it!

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  9. Ya gotta love it! It's so bad, it's good. I eat them up like the shark eats people. lol Everyone loves the leading characters, but Nova is super! :-)

    sherry @ fundinmental

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  10. I watched the second clip out of curiosity, and I'm pretty sure that Farris wheel and the building beside it were swallowed up by a wave 4-5 times. How did it keep righting itself to be destroyed again? ;) I'm overexaggerating, obviously, but I do feel like I watched the same crowd of people run by more than once... Hey! The guy with the red stool -- why does he look so familiar? I know I've seen him somewhere before.

    It looks like you had fun with this one, but I wouldn't suggest watching it more. Unless you like to torture yourself for kicks. I've never seen this one, but I also have no desire to.

    I have a request! Have you seen Masters of the Universe? He-Man? Hehe.

    Lindsi @ Do You Dog-ear?

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    1. Oh! West Coast Avengers is a new comic by Kelly Thompson... apparently there are landsharks in the first issue. I haven't had a chance to read it yet, but I saw a picture of one of the pages -- hilarious!

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    2. Yes the same footage seems to suspiciously appear over and over. I noticed that too. :) Oh my gosh...

      He-Man- is that a movie??? Or are we talking the old cartoon? Because... that has possibilities O.o

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  11. Just reading your review made me laugh. Sharks biting through roofs? Amazing. I havent’ seen this but the next time I want to watch a bad movie and laugh, I will. Are you up for the sequels.

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  12. OMG this certainly seems to live up to it's title and the poster lol.

    Will be giving this one a miss

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  13. Ugh, these movies are AWFUL. We just watched the last one, or rather, my husband turned it on and he watched it while I read and rolled my eyes. You're right, the production value is just the worst, I wonder if they do that on purpose!

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  14. OMG, laughed all the way through this review. Loved it! And yes, everyone can blame me, lol.

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  15. I've never actually seen this first one, but ahahahahahaha! From your descriptions, I think it's pretty much as I expected :P

    ~Mogsy @ BiblioSanctum

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  16. You're right, this should've been the first because seems to me like it would be the ultimate movie that sucks, haha. Seriously, why was he just hanging out in the water while telling everyone else to get out? I can't with that second clip. The shark was just wiggling in one spot, haha. Literally all she had to do was stand up and calmly walk away. "The sharknado, at least, seems to be remaining stationary, which is helpful." Oh gosh, this sounds like a movie that I will never watch lol. It does sound like the editing and continuity were just a mess too.

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  17. BEST MOVIE EVER!!! It was so fun to watch it with Twitter when it first came on. I think that is what made it so great. It's so dumb but it's fantastic. Honestly love the franchaise and really said that it's over. It all makes sense in the last movie. You need to watch them all! Then you need to watch Lavalantula and Sharktopuss or the Jersey Shore Shark attack which is awful but fantastic. lol I think these movies are suppose to be cheesy like that, B movies always have a cult following. :)

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  18. So the guy sounding the alarm to everyone stays in the water. Is he giving off anti-shark pheromones or something? Color me confused. And I love how the medic guy rushes to help the guy with the minor bite because apparently the guy with his freaking leg bitten off can chillax. So much for triage! LOL And after the scene at the house all I can think is: please, please someone get Tara Reid some acting lessons.

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    1. I know! SO bad... I love too how a guy falls off the stairwell even though no one touches him.

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  19. Laughing as you gave us the cheesy recount as you watched! I remember all the attention the movie received when it was released. 🦈❤️ I wasn’t even sure how they came up with the name. The funny thing is I think they did another one, right?!

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  20. I just... first, the movie poster is so awful that you KNOW the movie will be bad. And FIN!? Really? That is so cheesy, my goodness. I can live with cheesy and campy, but this is a whole new level of ridiculous. I don't think I could make it haha- and you definitely should not try to make it through the rest of them, though admittedly the posts would be highly entertaining. You don't owe the blogosphere your sanity 😂

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    1. Right? Fin. *rolls eyes* And the sad thing - I never even caught that.

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  21. Wow! I think I definitely need to see this for myself! 😂

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  22. I have never seen the first Sharknado in its entirety and I have never watched any of the others. Shhh, don't tell anyone. You have made me realize I made the right choice.🌊

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    1. I never had either! Now you must watch as well! Ha kidding...

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  23. I had successfully managed to avoid this film and your review seems to capture all the reasons why I did. I love ridiculous films for making fun of, don't get me wrong, but this seemed to take it a step too far. Just, all of it is so ridiculous. I suppose there is a reason they keep making more, maybe it's so bad it's good?

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    1. Smart choice, Becky. I do NOT recommend! But yes I love a good dumb movie too, but this... and there are like five more!!!

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  24. I laughed so much at this. This was class. OMG. This film is so stupid. But good kind of stupid. Aren't there sequels? Or did I just imagine that?

    I remember when my friend first told me about this film. I thought he was joking and then when I saw the trailer I thought it was one of those spoof trailers. This will go alongside The Room as one of those stupidly good bad films. :D

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    1. This is BAD. And yes there are like FIVE sequels... how even??

      I think this is totally a spoof movie. They don't even try to be serious... well, much anyways. And I've never seen The Room??!??

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  25. Hahaha Sharknado is SUCH A BAD MOVIE. I don't think I've seen any of them start to finish but I have had them on as background noise in the living room while working on my laptop if they happened to come on telly. But yes, truly the worst movies out there. But they are so bad that they're a major laugh :P

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  26. OMG, I watch like the first 20 minutes of this movie and was like NO WAY. SO B.A.D. My hubby likes it but I just can't seem to watch it. I love these posts. You have to do another one soon.

    Mary

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